In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
Well shit. I guess I'd better see that doctor about my sleep-drying.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
So....I should just swipe this product, open it, look inside to see if I'm a winner and then put it back without purchase? How unsanitary
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
As opposed to irregular soap?
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
Directions suggestion: You're an idiot.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down"
So...as you're reading the directions on the BOTTOM of the package, it THEN tells you not to turn it upside down?? Superman would LOVE this dessert.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
Well thank God...I thought it would be frozen after heating! Thank you for clarifying that.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
There go my Friday nights.
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
It's a good thing that's on here. I mean, all of those poor children with coughs who are operating cars and heavy machinery...it's a tragedy, really.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
I would hope so. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have purchased the SLEEP AID. And fuck MAY, it BETTER damn well cause drowsiness!
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
So...where else is there? Underwater?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
lmao. Oh God. I can't even process this one (get it? process?). You know, that other use it could be used for. Don't do that.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
I'm hoping you mean PEAnuts, bucko. I'll bet madeinheaven is grateful for this one, being allergic to peanuts and all. I mean, God forbid she buy these peanuts and not see the warning that there's NUTS in it on the package.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
Now what kind of moronic fuckrag screwed this one up? THANK YOU, AMERICAN AIRLINES!
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
Oh my goodness. I'm so picturing some poor kid with parents who have the IQs of a paper cup saying, "Go on, Billy Joe. Just lift up yer arms there and JUMP! Yous as good as flyin!
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
I do not want to see the picture of the incident that prompted THIS bit of advice.